The journey

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Men…. they just don’t get it.

I blatantly stole this to share it:

Guys ask why women are so pissed off. Even guys with wives and daughters. Jackson Katz, a prominent social researcher, illustrates why. He’s done it with hundreds of audiences:

“I draw a line down the middle of a chalkboard, sketching a male symbol on one side and a female symbol on the other.

Then I ask just the men: What steps do you guys take, on a daily basis, to prevent yourselves from being sexually assaulted? At first there is a kind of awkward silence as the men try to figure out if they’ve been asked a trick question. The silence gives way to a smattering of nervous laughter. Occasionally, a young a guy will raise his hand and say, ‘I stay out of prison.’ This is typically followed by another moment of laughter, before someone finally raises his hand and soberly states, ‘Nothing. I don’t think about it.’

Then I ask the women the same question. What steps do you take on a daily basis to prevent yourselves from being sexually assaulted? Women throughout the audience immediately start raising their hands. As the men sit in stunned silence, the women recount safety precautions they take as part of their daily routine.

Hold my keys as a potential weapon. Look in the back seat of the car before getting in. Carry a cell phone. Don’t go jogging at night. Lock all the windows when I sleep, even on hot summer nights. Be careful not to drink too much. Don’t put my drink down and come back to it; make sure I see it being poured. Own a big dog. Carry Mace or pepper spray. Have an unlisted phone number. Have a man’s voice on my answering machine. Park in well-lit areas. Don’t use parking garages. Don’t get on elevators with only one man, or with a group of men. Vary my route home from work. Watch what I wear. Don’t use highway rest areas. Use a home alarm system. Don’t wear headphones when jogging. Avoid forests or wooded areas, even in the daytime. Don’t take a first-floor apartment. Go out in groups. Own a firearm. Meet men on first dates in public places. Make sure to have a car or cab fare. Don’t make eye contact with men on the street. Make assertive eye contact with men on the street.”

― Jackson Katz, The Macho Paradox: Why Some Men Hurt Women and How All Men Can Help

(The first man to minor in women’s studies at the University of Massachusetts-Amherst, holds a master’s degree from the Harvard Graduate School of Education, and a Ph.D. in cultural studies and education from UCLA.)

For my daughter and yours.

A few important rules to teach your daughter:

• Travel light through life. Keep only what you need.

• It’s okay to cry when you’re hurt. It’s also okay to smash (some) things; but, wash your face, clean your mess, and get up off the floor when you’re done. You don’t belong down there.

• If you’re going to cuss, be clever. If you’re going to cuss in public, know your audience.

• Seek out the people and places that resonate with your soul.

• Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should.

• 5-second rule. It’s just dirt. There are worse things in a fast food cheeseburger.

• You are a woman, you do not need a man! (But it is okay to want the right one)

• Happiness is not a permanent state. Wholeness is. Don’t confuse these.

• Pain is inevitable, but suffering is a choice.

• Never, ever walk through an alley alone.

• Be less sugar, more spice, and only as nice as you’re able to without compromising yourself.

• Can’t is a cop-out.

• Hold your heroes to a high standard. Be your own hero.

• If you can’t smile with your eyes, don’t smile. Insincerity is nothing to aspire to.

• Never lie to yourself.

• Your body, your rules.

• If you have an opinion, you better know why.

• Practice your passions.

• Ask for what you want. The worst thing they can say is no.

• Wish on stars and dandelions, then get to work to make them happen.

• Stay as sweet as you are.

• Fall in love often, with ideas, art, music, literature, food and far-off places.

• Fall hard and forever in love with yourself.

• Say Please, Thank You, and Pardon Me, whenever the situation warrants it.

• Reserve “I’m sorry” for when you truly are.

• Naps are for grown-ups, too.

• Question everything, except your own intuition.

• You have enough. You are enough.

• You are amazing! Don’t let anyone ever make you feel you are not. If someone does….walk away. You deserve better. Never forget that!

• No matter where you are, you can always come home. Always!!

• Be happy and remember your roots, family is EVERYTHING.

• Say what you mean and mean what you say.

• No one will ever love you more than I do.

• Be kind; treat others how you would like them to treat you.

• If in doubt, remember whose daughter you are and straighten your crown 👑.