The fresh new year, new month for new beginnings.
Most people have turned new leafs, new regiments, new diets.
I seem to have gone the opposite this time.

For all the years I would try to improve on my continuing redefinition of myself, my diet, my inner being I haven’t even given it a thought. Ok not that I haven’t thought about it, more like I figured I’d get a round to it some other time.
It’s been a crazy month. Weird crazy.

It started with our bizarre rainy vacation. For the first time in over 20 years of going to Mexico we had 3 straight days of rain followed by 3 days of sun followed by a quick trip home to what looks like a place frozen over and left behind.
We have all discussed the “feeling” of being shorted or short changed on a 7 day vacation that left us not feeling rested or recouped.
Immediately following this short vacation I pulled my back out shoveling ice. And got to spend longer on my back in bed than I did in Mexico.
And as I slowly recovered from that it seems my best friend of 16 years, Truman, my lovely little fur baby, best dog in the whole world has begun his parting.
He has stopped eating. As I mentioned at the beginning of this post it seems that food and eating for the first time in a long time doesn’t seem to be a concern of mine.

I originally thought or planned this to be a funny post about resolutions. But as the days have gone on and Truman hasn’t improved I have been reliving my last 16 years of our life together.
This boy came to me at a time in my life when I needed and was going through a rebuild. All things/relationships happen for a reason. I’ve always known that. All good things must come to an end at some point is sad but real.
Truman helped me begin again. He showed me love. All true, all natural, raw, real, unconditional love. Sometimes that is what humans need to find the love in themselves. And with him I rebuilt and found a better me. A more loving me, a happier me.

The best dog ever. With the softest ears. the silkiest furry soft ears. That is all I can ever say about him. Happy, healthy, normal best friend dog. Easy, no fuss, lets hang out, where’s the ball, yes I snore kinda dog. Funny, silly, absent minded kinda dog. 16 years of constant love and friendship. Tolerance for every move and new person I brought into our lives. He’s loved my husband and kids no questions asked.

I think the hardest part is not being ready to let all of that go.
I thought last summer he was done when he had a stroke. But he came back and regained normal. I couldn’t believe it.
Then 6 weeks later he had another. Recovered within days.
A dog with 9 lives, possible right?
And now here it is 6 months later. He stopped barking about 6 weeks ago. Not a sound. But continues to get up, go out side, do his business and walk the path from window to window.
A quiet dog…..ok, so maybe ha hasn’t much to say anymore.
Last Friday he ate his food like always. Woofed it down like he hadn’t seen food in months. That is how he always ate.
Saturday nothing.
No interest? No appetite? I haven’t a clue.
I thought maybe his sniffer had gone. But yet he kept walking around sniffing the floor as if to look for a kibble.
I started giving him water by syringe. He tried a little peanut butter and lost interest in that. Cheese yes and then no.
Egg, tuna, puppy food. Nothing seems to get him interested eating.
I tried to look in his mouth and he snarled at me. Ah Hah!
So he probably has an infection. Maybe.
We’ve got him on meds but 4 days later I haven’t seen any improvement.

My gut tells me this is the end. It Is a hard realization. I’d like to stay I’m staying strong and understand that dogs don’t last forever. That doesn’t make the tears any easier.
Even if he “recovers” from this, whatever this is, my lovely little boy is still 16 years old. His youth has gone and my heart is breaking. I’m not done loving him. I’m not ready to be done loving him here. In real life. I’m not done petting him and rubbing his soft ears.
I’m not.